Sometimes BPD is a Choice

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“People with BPD are especially sensitive to feelings of rejection, isolation and perceived failure.”

“Before learning other coping mechanisms, their efforts to manage or escape from their intense negative emotions may lead to self-injury or suicidal behavior.”

“They are often aware of the intensity of their negative emotional reactions and, since they cannot regulate them, they shut them down entirely.”

“People with BPD tend to have trouble seeing a clear picture of their identity. In particular, they tend to have difficulty knowing what they value and enjoy.”

“They are often unsure about their long-term goals for relationships and jobs. This difficulty with knowing who they are and what they value can cause people with BPD to experience feeling “empty” and “lost”.”

“When mistreated, the patient feels helpless, demoralized, and victimized. These feelings activates the patient’s generalized early experiences of mistreatment and how he or she learned to respond.”

Borderline Personality Disorder is an intriguing mental disorder for psychiatrists or psychologists. I have read that some psychiatrists refused to treat BPD patients because they have extreme moodswings and their self-centeredness is a big problem to everyone around them.
But the patients actually carry most of the burden of this disorder.

I discovered BPD two months ago and fervently studied about it. Why? Well, it’s because I knew someone who has every symptom of this disorder. She has the simplest signs when she was just 12 and now she is 18 and it has gotten really bad.

Everytime a person mistreats her, she just shuts out the whole world and contains herself in her own thoughts and emotions. Her relationships and ties are strained often because of her mood swings and self-indulgent behaviors. When she has a bad day or when she faces conflicts, she imagines about killing herself or planning to set up an accident to hurt herself. She inflict scars on her own arms and feet because she somehow wants to replace the emptiness or numbness with pain. She is very self-destructive and anxious all the time.

Her world is almost close and lifeless. I convinced her to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. She only brushed me off.
At first, I hated seeing her in that condition, however, I was instantly relieved two weeks later when she showed up beaming and full of life. Her thoughts were: “Ha! There was nothing to worry about, after all. I might be sick or whatever but I won’t succumb to it. I want to be confident with myself. Thinking about having BPD will only hold me back and ruin my life.”

It wasn’t like she recovered or her personality disorder just disappeared. She trained herself so that she would stop overthinking things and hiding from the harsh world. Every now and then she shuts out people who violates or mistreats her but she avoided the thoughts about hurting herself. Now, she is a communication (major in journalism) student and through her choice she studies how to be an effective communicator. She is actually in her second year now. I sometimes thought that maybe she already knew her weakness even before she knew about BPD and she chose to study communication just to learn how to connect to people and find her place in the world.

Something might be wrong on how her mind and feelings work but, in the end, it is still her choice.

I really respect her and I hope that she finds someone who will love her completely and help her become happy.

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5 thoughts on “Sometimes BPD is a Choice

  1. There are a lot of things wrong with this article but I think that’s simply because you’ve used unsuitable wording and strange syntax, I do not believe you mean any harm.

    The way that this post reads suggests that you are saying it it one’s choice to HAVE a mental illness. This is wrong in so many ways that I will not even discuss it here. I think what you mean to insinuate is that sufferers have a choice regarding the way in which they choose to treat/recover/accept/overcome their disease. Which is of course, correct.

    Describing your friend’s disease as “her weakness” is another poor choice of diction. Even the title of the post is terribly inappropriate, and offensive. If this was a deliberate measure to cause intrigue or controversy it is certainly a successful title! But in the future please be careful with what you write, because someone may take it the wrong way and cause all sorts of trouble.

    I am so glad that your friend has followed the path of education and is making a promising future for herself. Onwards and upwards!

    Take care x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anyway, I meant that the disorder is already present in my friend or to anyone who has it but I think that it is their choice if they would yield to it and let it affect their goals and dreams or live the life they want while considering and adjusting to BPD.

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  2. That is a touching story. Thank you for sharing. I would suggest that good therapists, however, do not view the “borderline” diagnosis as a literal label, but rather view it as a metaphor for severe trauma and neglect that can lead to a “borderline” presentation of symptoms. Many therapists are very optimistic about effectively treating this kind of symptom presentation; those who are not are probably either bad therapists, or they have been trained in a limited medical-model approach that views people as labels rather than understanding them in depth as individuals.

    Liked by 1 person

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